Sandro finally told me what happened before he decided to end, he felt the love has slowly vanished since he got back Germany, then he was confused and upset, he hated himself for not feeling the same about us, he started to talk to his friends, seeking for advice… then, the rest is history.
I was very upset when I found out about this, I told him if that was how he felt, the person he should be sharing with was me. He used ‘honesty’ to end us I vividly remembered, and I told him this act wasn’t ‘honesty’ at all! Honesty means sharing even if it’s bad, too hurtful to handle with your partner!
‘That’s really not fair, you really should have told me how you really felt at time, in my mind, I thought this separation was mainly caused by long distance etc … you really should have said something. Do you have any idea that I still loved you even when we broke up?’ And I wouldn’t be feeling that way if you had told me the truth and knowing how you truly felt about us. You were certainly not honest, almost selfish.’ I couldn’t stop confronting him and burst in tears. ‘Do you know, me and my husband might not have most perfect relationship, but we are very honest to each other, both good and bad stuff, that, IS a mature relationship, that’s called honesty.’
Suddenly, I stopped talking and realized all these while, it was Al, who truly knows how to handle me, love me for who I am, tolerant me and cherish me. It wasn’t him. I was ‘too much’ and still ‘too much’ for him to handle.
I am hurt by the truth, yet again. But the sense of relief has dominated other mixed feelings. I can finally ‘correct’ my feelings for him, even it was long gone, still, this confession of his has re-written a lot .. especially towards the end. That chapter of me and Sandro, is completely and bitter-sweetly closed.
… However, I sensed, it wasn’t for Sandro, I felt he still has feelings for me. That surprises me, maybe he is just sentimental, maybe he is still confused, maybe he needs to grow up.
