Confession
I have a strong tendency to ‘beat’ myself up when I have self doubts.
I have a strong tendency to ‘beat’ myself up when I have self doubts.
Staying in China for 2 weeks reminds me of why I chose not to return. There are many differences, or rather certain ‘distance’, on value, view of world, way of thinking and handling things. Let me give you a few observations -
20 years ago, I’ve been told that I have to emphasis how easy it was to get it done if I was helping a friend. So that my friend won’t feel pressurized or burdened.
20 years later, I’ve been told that I have to emphasis how much trouble I had to go through to get things done, so that you can make your friend more grateful for what you have done.
Just the other day, a friend asked me to get something from overseas for her. I was afraid of telling her how expensive the thing was, so I ‘topped up’ 10% of the price. When I gave her the stuff (I didn’t want to show the price tag and wanted to give it to her as a present), the question I received was ‘Is this some kinda cheap stuff? Don’t bluff me!’
The change of emphasis shows how relationship has changed between people after these years of so called economy development in China, less trust, more materialized, insecurity and ungratefulness that caused by deep / sick / manifested inferiority.
I heard another story from a friend of mine who was studying in Australia. A Chinese student was invited to a professor’s home for dinner. Everything went really well and pleasant. In the end of the meal, the student stood up and said in kind consideration, ‘It’s late now, professor, you and your family need to rest now, I should go!’ Out of his surprise, the family and professor got really offended and replied, ‘if you want to leave, please leave. It’s entirely your call! You don’t have to use us as an excuse; it feels as if you are imposing the responsibility on us!’ The Chinese student left confused.
From this an incident, it really shows the difference in thinking between west and east. One side is so used to take consideration for others and likely to ‘sacrifice oneself needs / desires’; and the other side is brought up thinking about own-self, be true to self of what you need and want. Be fair and self fulfilled. Be in control and independent. No one is rude or wrong here. Just different.
As for me, I will still be considerate of others as this is how I’ve been brought up and it’s in my veins. But the focus has shift from others to myself more because I believe my needs and intentions are good in nature. I refuse to thinking of other sake of thinking of others. If using this scenario, I would let the host to take the lead since they will not ‘lie’ about what they really want, and of course, together with taking in consideration of others, I would say ‘I’d happy to stay for a coffee!’ (the key is to be suggestive, since they enjoy choice so that they can take control!) Having said that, if the night was dreadful, I will just simply say ‘Let’s call it a night, I’m tried!’ and not worry that my professor will get offended!
Hakona - A Trip with MLS.
Tokyo - A Business Trip, Dec 2011
This a ‘good-bye’. You will be in my memories, thank you for the journey and your profound company. You have certainly left your footprints in my heart. Farewell til’ our path cross again. Take Care.
I have some questions and I know, soon, I will have answers.
I hate myself missing you or trying to think how you would think or say about things. I hate I have a such strong urge to call you, wanting to talk to you, knowing that you might have chose to forgot me.
I wish to see you. May I see you.
I feel delicate when I think of you.
The moment when you consciously note to yourself that you have more to lose, you start to have debts to life. You trade down freedom, you compromise passion. You become the slave to your own good.
Sometimes, I wonder what you see that I can’t see…
R,
How are you?
I’m back in KL for a project. Just dropping you a note to say ‘hi’.
There were a few times I wanted to write to you and call you, but I know the timing is not right, yet.
You are my deepest conscience, judgement and sometimes, ego.
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